Coxheath to Lenham – 11.8 miles

  The task: walk from Coxheath to Lenham (11.8 Miles) in four and a half hours.  The day: very hot.  The guide: Rowan.  Yours truly: hungover.  What could possibly go wrong?

  The occasion was to celebrate our guide’s 25^th birthday with a summers walk along the Greensand Way from his house to one of our favourite pubs, The Wishful Thinker, in Lenham, where we had a table booked for 2.30pm.  The motley crew assembled for this adventure returns for the sequel to March’s epic ‘The Owl, the Orb and the Hermit’, only this time they will be going by their true identities.  As well as Rowan, the company included Amy, James and the wonderful Pumpkin (and of course, Beth and I!).  Due to start at ten o’clock, we sat out front of Rowan’s house, sheltering in the ever-decreasing shade of the cars as the sun climbed steadily higher and temperatures began to soar into the 20’s, waiting for James to grace us with his presence.  He and Pumpkin did eventually rock up at half-ten, and we set off, leaving the estate and quickly picking up familiar footpaths for the first stint of the day.

  We soon found ourselves amongst the orchards and crop fields looking out across the Weald which would make up the majority of the day’s walking, and at first things seemed to be going well.  We made it to our first stopping point in seemingly good time, Boughton Monchelsea Church, where we stopped to literally smell the roses, before heading off and ten minutes later arriving at the second stopping point, Buttercups Goat Sanctuary, where again we paused for ten minutes to say hello to the herd, then carried on our way.  All was going well so far, the heat remaining bearable and my hangover seeming to retreat a little.  Even Pumpkin doing her best to injure her dad didn’t cause any problems!  On the stretch between Weirton and Sutton Valence, there is a notoriously steep flight of stone stairs descending a sharp drop through woodland between orchards.  As James carefully made his way down, Pumpkin decided that she needed more space on the steps and forced him off onto the dirt running alongside.  This went well for all of two seconds, before the loose, steep ground gave way beneath James’ boots and, despite his best efforts, he landed straight on his arse, where he accepted his fate and slid steadily to the bottom, Pumpkin walking comfortably down the stairs alongside him.

  Shortly after this incident, we left the orchards for a time and picked up the lane which led into Sutton Valence.  Up to this point, we had been walking on footpaths which Rowan, Beth and I knew all too well, having lived in the area for years and had them, almost literally, on our doorsteps.  This is possibly what had given us a sense of confidence over the first few miles, however as we entered slightly more unfamiliar territory, we began to run the numbers.  We had done under half of the route and been going roughly two and a half hours.  This left us with about six miles to walk in a little over an hour and a half – a tall order!  Naturally, this is when things began to fall apart, and in true squad style, blame started to fly around, with James’ tardy time-keeping coming under a lot of fire from Rowan.  However, having received such flack for his frankly dreadful navigation skills on our previous walk, James was all too quick to point out that based on the current pace, Rowan’s estimations of how long it would take were actually way off, requiring us to average 3.3 miles per hour.  Who’s really to blame? Time would have to tell!

  With a renewed sense of urgency, we picked up the pace and stepped forward into the second half of the day, which was only growing hotter and hotter.  Crossing the main road, I had just enough time to admire the hidden gem that it turns out Sutton Valence is and spot a solitary swift flying through the blue skies over the rooftops, before the road began to ascend steeply out of the village.  No time to slow, we paced it all the way to the top, only pausing beneath the shade of a tree for a moment to let Beth and Amy catch up, by which point Beth was looking noticeably hot.  Continuing through a string of quiet country roads and orchards, our next significant obstacle came in the form of a sudden, unexpected patch of sodden slurry crossing our path, which required everyone to slow right down in order to carefully navigate their way around the edge of the sloppy, smelly liquid.

  Shortly after this, we turned along a footpath into what was probably the hottest and most challenging chunk of the day, through an extended stretch of farmland.  The path became dry and dusty, with no shade to speak of and the temperature and its highest.  It was also at this point that we began to grow concerned for Pumpkin.  She was beginning to look like a particularly hot dog, and when we paused for a drink, she immediately laid down on the floor, which is something very un-Pumpkin-like.  By now, it had also become evident that a couple of members of the group had not brought enough liquid (or, indeed, any – *cough* Amy *cough*) and so our supplies now had to be shared between the group, much of which was donated to the panting Pumpkin.  The stretch also included a long section of very overgrown nettles, so tall that at points they were above Amy’s head.  Everyone’s arms were raised to avoid the worst of the potent stings, which worked well for all apart from Rowan, whose raised limbs instead exposed his bare belly to punishment.  Waiting on the other side was a rising hill, where thankfully in the middle was a cool, bowl of shade amongst the trees.  Here we paused and looked out at the shimmering heat of the outside world.  The time was 2pm, with still 2.5 miles to go…would they make it?  No, of course they wouldn’t!  Fortunately, James was able to phone ahead to Chloe (his wife!), who went ahead to the pub for us.  So, we were going to be late, but the question remained – by how much?

  After a bunch of stiles, over which the tired James had to lift the even more tired Pumpkin, and traipsing through a field of freshly cut hay, the farm eventually gave way to a road.  By now the water reserves were looking distinctly low and the distance was beginning to take its toll.  By the time we turned onto the next set of orchards, Amy had begun to lag seriously behind, becoming a smaller and smaller shape in the distance.  Thankfully, the increasingly pooped Pumpkin was still going, the planned route promised that the rest of the day would be a steady downhill run to the finish and the sun had been obscured by a layer of cloud to take the edge off the heat.

  Following a stretch of tree-lined paths, we popped out into a large, wide-open field.  Here, we saw something wonderful in the distance – the large chalk cross which sits above the hill over Lenham.  The finish line was finally in sight and sat somewhere between us and the cross!  Unfortunately, between us and the pub was the remaining 1.5 miles of road walk, which was the longest mile and a half of the day.  It was perhaps not the nicest end to a walk ever, and at the time seemed desperately far.  Yet eventually, the seemingly endless distance vanished beneath our feet, and the Wishful Thinker was in sight.

  In the end, we were about 45 minutes late, which actually wasn’t a bad pace at all.  Could we have made it if James hadn’t been late, we hadn’t stopped twice at the start and Rowan had planned better?  Who was really at fault?  You can decide.

  Whatever, it really didn’t matter.  This walk was long and presented challenges, predominantly the heat, and was actually really good (and overall very well navigated by Rowan!).  The Greensand Way was as idyllic as ever, and there’s always something about a long walk which can push you a little – I think we all slept well that night!