Having picked this route the previous evening, we were feeling good about our decision as we set out into the chilly winter’s day. The temperature was due to be no warmer than 5°C, but due to the high levels of rain (and snow) we had recently experienced, this was likely to help keep the inevitable mud somewhat firm, which would be no bad thing!
We parked up at the Old Pembury church at about a quarter to midday, and whilst this was a new route, the first portion was familiar to us, as it is part of one of our other (and favourite) walks. The sound of the church bells serenaded us as we set off across the fields of Kent Collage, which were notably more muddy than previous experiences. After getting my first slip in the mud under my belt nice and early, we came across a familiar flock of sheep as we crossed a small stream, the sound of trickling water replacing the ringing bells.
These fields soon give way to a small (but surprisingly challenging) patch of woods, which this time we successfully navigated without any missteps. After this the walk leads through a series of farmer’s fields, ranging from sheep, to orchards, to orchards with sheep! After about a mile, the route deviated left from the other route, and we were off into the wild, and unexplored territories.
And what should we find?
Why, more orchards with sheep of course!
Not that this was a bad thing – far from it – we love sheep, and the pure abundance of them on the first half of this walk was a real highlight. After crossing a small road past a pub (which we chose not to frequent on this occasion) we crossed a couple more fields, before coming across ‘the murder house’. We are used to coming across somewhat rundown buildings during our adventures, but this one was particularly creepy-looking.
We next crisscrossed a small stream before coming across yet another field full of sheep, past some Oast houses. After reaching the road which we walked down for a few yards, we crossed a wide-open field, on the other side of which was another, quiet country lane. Having not seen any suitable (dry!) stopping points as of yet, the promise of the Capel church ahead seemed like a likely lunch spot.
This was the best decision ever.
As we made our way through the pretty, well-kept graveyard, we spotted some benches in front of a fenced section of the churchyard, containing three, small, very cute sheep. As one, particularly cheery-looking sheep came up to the fence and introduced himself, it was clear that they were well-loved by the community, as he wasn’t scared of us at all! He was obviously used to getting snacks through the fence, and after I hopped over the stile into the field, he was more than happy to accept some neck scratches, before plodding off to rejoin his buddies – this was the perfect way to round off the sheep-filled first half of the day.
We set off quite promptly from lunch, the slight wind quickly turning us chilly. The second half began with familiar paths across the seemingly barren winter fields and muddy (but firm) paths, leading us past a second pub. We made a note to stop here for lunch should we do this route again before crossing a busy road. A few yards into the next field, we both simultaneously began to hum one of our favourite songs (The Detectorist theme song). This is always a good sign that the day’s walk was ticking all the right boxes!
The fields continued to pass beneath our feet as we discussed Beth’s imminent need for new boots and spotted a handsome fox in the distance, before leading us through the second churchyard of the day, into the village of Tudeley. The path took us straight past a house where I had picked some goats up from several years ago, giving me a chance to tell the story and distract myself from the growing amount of heavy, clay-filled mud on the bottom of our boots.
If sheep was the theme for the first half of the day, mud soon became the second. Once we had reached the end of this field, we wiped our boots on the verge (not something we normally bother with) and walked a short way up a road, passing by the Turmeric Gold restaurant, the site of a legendary disagreement between my friends back in 2018. Crossing the road a short way up from the home of ‘Poppadomgate’, we came across another muddy path and noted that as the day had warmed up, the terrain had steadily become less and less firm.
This observation came to a head after a steady uphill section led us to a field containing two horses. The path followed the fence line around its outside, at the top of which the footpath became pure, thick, mud. Our only option was to cling to the fence line and slowly edge our way through, but even this technique was not foolproof. As the two horses trotted over to laugh at us, we gradually inched our way along, boots disappearing in mud, trying desperately to stay upright – we did eventually manage, and waved our cheerleaders goodbye.
This was the final major obstacle, and after a short stretch of trees, we were rewarded with a nice, firm driveway, passing several horses, all of which came to say hello (it must have been dinner time). The last half-mile began with a short section of quiet roads, before leading us back across the grounds of Kent Collage, through our third and final churchyard of the day, and back to the car.
This route took us about three hours in the end, and even factoring in Beth stopping to play with her new camera, we were slightly off of our normal pace. Despite the mud, this was a pretty easy walk with very limited inclines and plenty of animals to say hello to, and we will almost certainly do it again. Beth was also very complimentary of the Kent Ramblers instructions, which was reflected in the fact we only made one (very small and quickly corrected) mistake.
Original route was provided by Kent Ramblers, with full instructions and map available at https://www.kentramblers.org.uk/KentWalks/public/walk_230.htm?fbclid=IwAR2ZcDexFR5Fpe7xqmYL02ERHZK9qsas6LAxPQNY2hJYzz_KbhyyDvUYWAQ
Matthew G. Huggins 
According to Uncle David Kentish mud is in a class of its own.
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